WCUI!

Several nights ago I was delivering to a seedy local liquor store. I parked in the front of the large, nearly empty strip mall lot and walked over to the store's glass door. I stepped around the locals, the usual crack heads/ho's, made my way to the door, pulled on the handle and swung it towards me. Just then, I caught a glimpse of something moving rapidly in my direction from the semi-darkness inside the store, followed by a man's voice, yelling. I had just enough time to step aside, like a bull fighter while holding the door open and the pizza bag aloft. In doing so, I was able to catch a glimpse of the face of an elderly woman, in her electric wheel chair, as she whizzed by me and exploded out into the lot. The locals all yelled and dove for cover as the woman made her first pass. After about fifty yards, she swung her chair around and headed for them again. This time, with my eyes adjusted to the daylight, I could clearly see her. She seemed to be about 70, had what appeared to be a gray wig, slightly askew on her head, flannel shirt, a six pack of beer on her lap, a lip dangling cigarette and s.e. grin. As she passed by again, I could also see by her eyes that the six pack on her lap was probably not her first for the day. She now had the cigarette clenched in her teeth so that she could hang on to the wheel chair control knob with one hand, and the six pack with the other hand. About this time the store manager brushed passed me and out into the lot, yelling and running after her. The old woman apparently had bored with buzzing the locals and now appeared to be playing chicken with the cars as they would pull unsuspectingly into the lot. Each car was forced to take evasive action as the lady, grin, six pack, cigarette and all forced cars to swerve to avoid her. After nearly hitting three vehicles, the manager had just started to catch up to her when she spun and came after him. Now breathless and sweating, the manager was running and trying to dial 911 on cell phone as he ran, zig zagging across the lot with the old lady, electric wheel chair whirring, in hot pursuit. Apparently someone was successful in reaching the police because after the store's assistant manager took delivery of the pizza( a full 15% tip), I made my way out of the lot and headed for my next delivery. I stopped long enough to glance back and see that the each parking lot entrance had a police car parked across it as if they were the goalies, while another squad car, lights flashing, slowly followed behind the old lady's chair as she zig zagged across the lot with. I checked the local paper for several days hoping to see a write up in the police blotter but as yet, no luck.